Happy New Year

Well, happy New Year to all. As I sit at the computer and think about the year.... let me focus on my back. Last New Year's Eve I went to the movies with my husband and friends. I wore lidoderm patches, took lots of drugs, even wore a girdle in hopes that it would help. I seem to remember being in pain all the evening. So, now a year later we have the same plans with the same friends which is great...I am still going to be wearing the patches, taking the drugs and perhaps not the girdle as I do not think it helped much. Last year I had Doctor appoinments and injections that did no good. This year I feel pretty much the same. I've seen a neurologist who thinks perhaps he can help ... that would be nice. Not expected..but very nice. I still have hope that this can be cured or dulled in some way. I shall keep looking . I am lucky that I can still do my job and am not completely disabled as many people are by pain.Enjoy what you can...and hope for the best . That's what I have to say for this year!

Pills and Patches

   Sometimes I feel that I am held together by patches and pills. I do feel I am supporting our local CVS alone with all my purchases. But when I am patched and drugged to the maximum I can function. I am going into NYC next week to confer with a new Doctor. I don't have any real hope that he will come up with some way to ease my pain but I do feel that I must try. My job of teaching means that I do stand at least 6 hours a day and that pressure on my back is not good.

It's funny how I relate to the very elderly people in the retirement home down the street from us quite well now. Misha ( my dog) and I walk over and he gives wags and lovin to everyone he sees. We all walk slowly.

The lidoderm patches are great. They don't stop the pain completely but when I first put them onto a painful area the cool gel feels fantastic.

     I love looking out the window from my couch. I watch cars and people go by. I watch ornamental grasses wave in the breeze and remaining flowers from summer. I love watching the season change. Soon the trees will be orange and red. I feel greatful for all that I have in my life that is great.

Pain....

  So, I have not had anything much to write. I wake up moving as though I were 100 years old. I take my pills which don't work too well anymore. I put on patches of lidoderm to calm the inflamed nerves below the skin. I try to plan my life around my pain.
  I go to work. Sometimes it is like girding myself for battle with drugs and patches and bandages, I will even wear a girdle some days to pretend it is going to help. I love my job ...But after I get home I lie with an ice pack on my back and leg. I go to bed at 7:00 so I can lie flat on my firm mattress. I read. I sleep. And start again.
  I am going to go in NYC to meet with another Dr. I just need some coroberation that indeed there is nothing I can do to stop this pain. I believe the Dr. I went to here is honest. I just find it hard to live with what he said. Every day is a struggle to dress, to stand , to sit. to walk.

  When I lie flat at 7:00 at night I am greatful that I do not have small children who would want my attention. I am happy to have my little dog with me and my books to read. I am thrilled my husband does most every thing that needs to be done ...I am lucky.

Ah, limp along little doggie.....

Well, I have been wearing an ace bandage to cover the lidoerm patch that covers my calf behind my knee that moans in pain. If I don't wear the ace bandage then the patch falls off, then the pain is worse. Ergo, the ace bandage...

Ace bandages are better in the winter than the summer I think. It does add a bit of heat to my entire throbbing leg. I limp when I walk at the end of the day. Not as cute as this lovely lady. Mine is a dragging of the leg somtimes complete with moaning on my part. Halloween is coming soon. Perhaps I should go as a mummy?

And now....

Well, the SI joint injection I had did not work at all. But I did go to the nicest hospital that I have ever been to. Dartmouth Hitchcok Hospital is incredible from the view going up to the front doors, to the guy playing the piano in the entrance. Eveyone who works there is smiling. I was a bit unnerved by it, being used to city hospitals but I mean everyone was pleasant, helpful, and kind. Even the injection was sort of fun. I had a resident from Arkansas who watched the Dr. He was funny and so very nice. The nurse even held my hand while an enormous needle was stuck in my backside. Didn't hurt, it was numbed. So for those of you who might have an SI joint issue the shot is not a big deal.

But after a week of waiting , it did not prove to work. I now have pain in my outer calf, outer thigh as well as the ever present pain in the butt . I"m still doing the med thing and thinking about what next to try.

Smell the roses..or any other flowers

Good morning. I just looked at my last entry and thought...heavens, who wants to look at someone's backside? How about something beautiful. I adore flowers. I love their individuality, fragility, colors and the way they are just there...in a garden or out in a field. It is hard to convince myself that they are so beautiful only for bees to be attracted to them...it is hard to think that they are not so endearing for the sole purpose of making me happy. How ego centered is that?

I am forever thankful that I am an artist and the visual world means so much to me. I can be stunned by a butterfly on a bush, textures of leaves on trees and shrubs...I can be so happy in my own head. I am always working on art. It 's not all good. I teach art too and tell my students that for every thing one keeps there are lots of things that get thrown away. But it's the process that can be so intoxicating. Look around I tell the kids. Beauty is right in front of you!

New Learning.

Well, I do love new learning. Now I am focused on learning as much as I can about my SI joint. I now have  a rolling gait when I walk (much like a drunken pirate in some old movie) . My right outside calf hurts a lot too and I can't put the lidoderm patch on it unless I am wearing long pants. Hmm...and it is still summer. I think the patch would just fall off without pants to press it to my skin. Maybe I'll use duct tape!

   So, I thought I have done no exercises this year as one doctor told me it would hurt my aches and pains more. I fear that I look at bit more like this gentleman on the table than necessary.

I looked up some exercises for the SI joint and found this.

I also found this one! Check out the exercise at the bottom. What the heck is that? Who can do that? I am sure no one in the world. But today I may try some of the less daunting exercises. Cross your fingers that I don't get trapped in some terrible position never to be unbent.